It's amazing what God can do with our broken lives. For the past six years some of you may not know that I've been a struggling single mom. Within that brokenness the Lord allowed me unbelievable blessings. I'd like to share all He has done. I give glory and honor to the Lord for every blessing He brings and trial He allows for they shape who I am and who I will become.
Many times I've shared how I was chronically ill with accumulating symptoms over the course of 18 years. Then six years ago my life changed. By the leading of the Holy Spirit I made positive, drastic lifestyle changes through changing what I ate, as well as what I cleaned the house with, and used for self/body care. Then to follow was the leap of faith to become a health coach.
Healing was not just due physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Here's the other part of the story. When my physical body came to be restored is also the same year that my marriage began to crumble. I was caught completely off guard. It was not my choice.
My now ex-husband, to make a long story short, had expressed in 2009 how unhappy he was and wanted to live his life a different way. Our relationship seemed to turn from day to night. I don't mean to say that it was perfect of course. There were struggles at times, but we always seemed to pull through. We were no longer equally yolked and I finally 8 years later began to see the fruit of my decision to follow Christ. He proclaimed that he wanted a divorce. I became a believer in 2001, a little more than one year after getting married. Regardless of the fact that I was in it to stay, he'd made the choice to go.
This all was earth shattering. Divorce is like the death of a family member, but instead of the death just occurring once, it's like dealing with the shame, shock, and despair daily because it wasn't a person who died, but a relationship, a covenant. The other person is still around you, but not for you. Even as a Christian, it's a tug of war to remember your worth through separation and divorce.
I remember trying to make sense of it all. I was the military wife who never complained, I homeschooled our two sons, I brought them to church twice a week, did all of the other "mommy duties", and managed the household. So why my Lord? Oh why? What did I do wrong sometimes I wondered. Why was I not enough?
I did not make some of the best choices or always deal with the pain well. This is where my mighty God has made beauty from ashes. Never did I think I would've been able to work for myself as a holistic health coach and then expand with a natural beauty and body care line. My experience forced me to go outside of my comfort zone to make it on my own. I followed a passion for wellness that the Lord put in me.
This all of course deepened my relationship with the Lord to a whole new level. I have found that in everyone's unique situation we come to know the Lord by His many names, sometimes more than one, but not all names at once. From moment to moment, issue to issue, we meet Him one day as father, one day as friend, one day as provider, and in my case as husband.
Knowing Yeshua Messiah, Jesus Christ, as husband was new for me. There I was though after 9 years of being married all alone in need of love, leading, and a long time companion. I was inside of an emptiness that was uncharted territory. I was disposed of by one and desperately loved by another, so much that over 2000 years ago He died for me on a cross, rose, and is coming back to get me.
Trusting and seeing the Lord as husband did not come easily to me. I foolishly refused for quite a while. During that period of refusal I wounded my own heart unnecessarily. I looked for a husband for myself. Ladies, word of advice, do not do it! It always backfires. It is God the Father's job to appropriately find a husband for His daughter. It is healthy and good to be single at appointed times.
When I finally was able to receive the Lord as husband it was as if I felt covered and safe. By His grace I was made righteous through this unique union. While I still longed for an earthly husband at times, I knew that I belonged to someone special. Mothers teach your daughters to know Yeshua as husband early.
Time went by and little did I know the plan my heavenly Daddy had for me. There I was working 2 jobs, my part time job at a local small health food store, and health coaching, homeschooling my two sons, taking care of my house, and just plain wiped out...totally exhausted. I'd also pick up any odd jobs I could just to make extra money from babysitting to demo-ing products on video.
I'll fill in the blanks in my next blog entry part 2 of Healing and New Beginnings.
Thank you for following along my healing journey. Feel free to share yours below!
Helping you to be a good steward of your health!~Marie A. Brock, HHC