Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Why I Care So Much About What I Eat (Part 1)

It occurred to me some of you might wonder why I am so nutty about the food that I consume. Most close to me know, but for anyone else reading this blog, here ya go.  The Lord took me on a journey last year in 2009.  Going back a bit before then, I suppose since my highschool years I'd always been interested in eating healthier.

Unfortunately the interest turned into an obsession, and I led myself down a path of anorexia. For my junior and senior years of high school I gradually began eating less and less. I got myself down to around 80-85 pounds. It had gotten so bad that for a season I would eat 6 slices of low cal bread with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray on them each day, and that was all.

I was dancing then, and it was extremely important to look good in that leotard, not to mention be light enough for male dancers to lift you. I did not know the Lord then, and I felt very out of control with my life. I had a horrible self image. I didn't have the greatest friends growing up either in both elementary and high schools, so it made for a difficult round of teen years. 

I would sleep away hunger after school. I can also remember waking up at 5am just to exercise before school. Then I would exercise at night, and practice dancing as well. I thank God for my Mom. She caught on to what I was doing with eating and exercise. She took me to the doctor, and my doctor was extremely concerned. My heart rate was excessively low as one could imagine. 

The doctor said she'd have to admit me to the hospital if I didn't stop everything, and start eating normally again. After that my mother watched me like a hawk.  She made sure I was eating, atleast while she could watch me. I did starting eating more again. I didn't want to be hospitilized, I just wanted some sense of control, and more than anything I wanted to be loved. Little did I realize at the time that Jesus really did love me, not to mention my parents.

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